


Don't Think

by WarriorBeeoftheSea



Series: Love Game [5]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Carry On Countdown (Simon Snow), Closet Sex, DEC 19 - Undercover, M/M, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-02-26 18:14:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21802786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WarriorBeeoftheSea/pseuds/WarriorBeeoftheSea
Summary: If I ever thought it would be easy to give up Simon Snow, I was dead wrong.Beautiful art of this fic by the incredibly talented @KrisRix
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Series: Love Game [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1552981
Comments: 18
Kudos: 277
Collections: Carry On Countdown 2019





	Don't Think

**Baz**

If I ever thought it would be easy to give up Simon Snow, I was dead wrong.

I know I've hurt him. (I never wanted to hurt him.)

Dev and Niall keep giving me sympathetic _looks_ and I want to punch them. Have they figured me out?

I don't want to think about it.

**Simon**

I wake up thinking about Baz.

I've _been_ thinking about Baz. A lot. And having dreams about him...

I wake up thinking about Baz, and I want to touch him. I roll over in bed to look at him, but he's not in the room.

I try not to think about it.

Everything will be fine.

**Baz**

I don't like the idea of Simon seeing me sleep, so I've been staying out late and leaving the room early. I can't be vulnerable like that in front of him.

I don't know if I'm more afraid that he'd try to be affectionate, or that he _wouldn't._

I spend my early mornings in the dining hall with a cup of tea and a book. And I try not to think about Simon Snow.

**Simon**

I don't think about it.

I dress for classes, and I don't think.

**Baz**

Everyday so far I've tried to brace myself before I see him in class, and everyday so far I've failed.

He walks in this morning and it's just the same.

I stare forward and don't think.

**Simon**

Baz is sucking on my lower lip. And I've got one hand braced on the side of his face and the other curled at the nape of his neck.

We're snogging in a dark closet, and he's pressing me against the door with his body.

 _Merlin,_ I missed this. Missed his body, his mouth. Missed _him._

I tip his head down towards me and surge up on my toes to press my tongue into his mouth.

Everything is Baz. And I'm not thinking.

**Baz**

We were in a passing period when it happened.

He caught my elbow, whispered, "Can I talk to you," and steered me down an empty corridor.

It was the first time he's touched me since we...

He squared himself in front of me. "Baz, I--"

I didn't want to hear it though. Whatever he was about to say. _Baz, I miss you. Baz, I'm worried about you. Baz, I want you to stop staring at me._

So I kissed him to shut him up.

**Simon**

His hands are firm on my hips. I missed his hands. I missed the way they curl around my body. Missed them tugging my shirt tails out of my trousers, like he's doing now.

I don't know what's happening, but I don't mind.

"Baz--"

He slips a hand down the back of my trousers and palms my arse. And I shut up.

**Baz**

I don't know what I'm thinking.

**Simon**

He hasn't let me say a word. Normally when we do this there's more talking.

I guess this isn't normal. Not anymore.

But he still knows how to touch me. He pulls my hips flush against his, his hand still firm on my arse.

He draws back to look at my face, his eyes searching for something.

I scramble to undo my trousers, and that must be enough of an answer for him.

**Baz**

This is not a good idea.

But I miss him. And I want him to feel good.

So I drop to my knees.

**Simon**

The last time we did this, the last time he went down on me, I mean, it was different.

I didn't know it would be the _last time._ I suppose it's not, if I let him do it now. I'll be swapping out one _last time_ for another.

We were laughing, and he was teasing me about something, and my eyes were still gritty from sleep.

He's peering up at me now, his hands stilling mine, and my heart breaks.

**Baz**

Simon lifts his hand to cup my face, and I can't hold his gaze. I don't know what I'll see if I look too long. Love? Pity?

Instead I hitch his shirt up and lean forward to press kisses against the skin of his belly. I love this belly, this skin. I give it a rough lick.

Simon doesn't move his hand from my face.

**Simon**

Baz is beautiful, even in his sadness.

 _We don't have to be sad,_ I want to say. _We could try to make each other happy._

I wish he would look at me.

**Baz**

I finish unfastening Simon's trousers and let them pool around his ankles. I run my palms over his hips and hook my fingers into the waistband of his briefs. (Last time I did this he wasn't wearing any.)

His cock is straining in his pants, and I dip my face to brush against it through the fabric. It's warm (he's warm) and smells distinctly of him, a part of him that only I know.

I want to claim him. I want him to be mine, and only mine.

_He's going to find someone else._

**Simon**

I run my fingers through his hair. I'm about to tell him to stop, that I don't want our last time to be in a broom closet while we're missing Greek.

But he tips his face up to look at me.

And he pulls at my pants, letting my prick bounce free.

"Baz--"

He shakes his head. And then he wraps his fingers around me and takes the head into his mouth.

**Baz**

I want to memorize this. This moment, right now.

Simon's hand in my hair. The heat of his body on my tongue. The little surprised sigh he lets out when I swallow him down.

This moment, right now, I can pretend he's mine.

**Simon**

I try to watch, but before long I'm overwhelmed and let my head tip back against the door. I groan, and he hums around me. (It feels really good.)

 _"Baz,"_ I whine, but he fumbles to press his fingers loosely over my lips.

I reach up with my free hand to hold his wrist, and move his hand to kiss the heel of his palm. Lick it. Bite it.

He hums again, and I muffle a moan in his palm.

He's bobbing his head on my prick, and now he hollows his cheeks to suck hard, and I whimper.

I want--

My heart is beating hard in my chest, and I concentrate on not bucking into his mouth.

I need--

He's so--

Oh, _Merlin._

**Baz**

Simon is trembling against me and whining into my hand, and I'm so in love it hurts. (It hurts so much.)

He tightens his grip on my wrist and moves my hand to suck my middle finger into his mouth. My own cock twitches as he licks and sucks, in near mimicry of what I'm doing to his.

I push another finger into his mouth, and he groans approvingly.

I look up, and he's tipped his head down to watch me. Our eyes lock.

_We could make this work._

I lick firmly at his frenulum, and his eyes slip closed. I swipe again and again, until he's quivering against me with the effort of not thrusting. (I wouldn't mind if he did. But I never managed to tell him that, and I like the way he struggles to control himself.)

_He doesn't have feelings for me. He just likes the way I give head._

"Baz," he whispers, pulling my saliva covered fingers from his lips. "Can I-- can you do something... new?"

**Simon**

He pulls off of my prick and stares up at me questioningly, and I want to disappear.

But I want this so badly.

"Could you. I mean. I want you to, um..."

"Spit it out, Snow," he whispers affectionately, and my heart aches. He presses a kiss to my hip, and I can't breathe. "Simon?"

I swallow a deep breath and let it out. "I want you to... put a finger... uh..."

He blinks up at me, and then realization spreads across his face. "I don't think we're actually... properly equipped. To, uh, y'know. Do _that._ "

He might be just as embarrassed as I am. "Is this…" I lick his finger meaningfully, "uh, not enough?"

He frowns. "I've never actually--I think we'd need lube?"

**Baz**

Simon is looking down at me, and I almost wonder if he understands what I said, but then he asks, "Do you have any? Lube, I mean?"

"What, like, on me? Right now?"

He nods.

"Yes, Snow," I bite out sarcastically. "I carry around lube in my jacket pocket on the off chance that my ex asks me to penetrate him in a broom closet."

His eyes go soft as he looks at me. "You... think of me as your ex?"

**Simon**

Baz doesn't say anything, just looks up at me with sad eyes.

"We had something, yeah?" I brush his hair behind his ear. "We _were_ an us, and then it ended."

He nods, and his eyes are shining.

"Baz, I--"

"Oh shut up, Snow, and let me get you off."

I smirk at him. "You're having sex with your _ex._ In a broom closet."

He grins sheepishly. "It is kind of hot when you put it that way."

He pulls his hand from mine, and grasps the waistband of my pants. They're still gathered low on my hips, but he drags them down my legs slowly. My breath goes shaky and rough, and I let my head fall back against the door.

 _Merlin,_ I could die like this.

Baz nudges my knees apart, then grabs my wrists to place my hands on his shoulders. "Don't fall over," he murmurs without meeting my eye.

**Baz**

I have no clue what I'm doing.

I reach up to slip a finger back into Simon's mouth, and he sucks it greedily. Messily. I really don't think I'll be able to _penetrate_ him, but I think I can still make him feel good.

I pull my finger from his mouth, letting his bottom lip drag down obscenely. _Fuck me,_ he's gorgeous. He groans, his mouth tipped open, and the sound goes straight to my cock.

I slip my hand between his spread thighs, and press my finger blindly against him. I slide it until I feel the puckered flesh, and he gasps.

 _"Oh!_ Is that--will you--are you going to put it inside?"

I press firmly, applying gentle pressure, but I don't press in.

He whimpers and rolls his hips, thrusting lewdly into the air.

"You like that, Snow?" I grin against the jut of his hip bone, and give it a wet kiss. I press my finger against him again, rhythmically, and he moans.

 _"Fuck you, Baz._ "

I smirk up at him, and then steady his cock with my other hand and swallow him down.

**Simon**

My body is going to shake apart. I'm holding myself up against Baz, my elbows locked and braced on his shoulders, and there's nothing I can do to keep quiet.

He reaches up with the hand that's not _teasing my arsehole_ and covers my mouth. I lean into it, and let him stifle my moans.

He's hollowing his cheeks again, and it feels like he's trying to wrench the orgasm from my body.

 _Next time we do this,_ I start to think, and then stop myself. We won't be doing this again. It's the last time.

I try not to think about it. I clear my head, and try to let the sensations wash through me. _There's only this moment. Only this feeling._

My body is shaking apart, and a tear slips from my eye as I let my orgasm rush through me.

**Baz**

_Don't think._

A tear slides down my hand, the one pressed across Simon's mouth.

_Don't think._

He's coming in pulses, spurting down my throat, and I can feel his arsehole spasming against my finger. I keep pressing and releasing, and let him keep rocking into my mouth.

_It hurts to be this in love._

**Simon**

It starts to be too much, and I squeeze Baz's shoulder to get him to stop. He pops off of my prick, and slips his hand from my thighs.

I lean down to hold his face and kiss him, but he turns away. "I need a moment, Snow," he murmurs toward the wall.

I pull up my pants and trousers and start tucking my shirt back in.

Baz stands and faces away from me, and starts fussing with his tie. (Mine may very well be a mess, but I'm not bothered.)

"Baz." I reach for him and snake my arms around his waist. Press my cheek against his back and place my hand over his heart. "Baz, I miss you."

He sucks in a breath. "I miss you, too." It's a low whisper, but I feel the quiet rumble of his voice against my palm. 


End file.
